Of all the incredible places in Las Vegas, I had never been to one I didn’t like. And then I went to Jet Nightclub at the Mirage. There was not one redeeming thing about this place. As soon as we entered Mirage we saw the never-ending line. This place must be decent right? The line stretches all the way into the casino? Um, No. The first thing that my cousin did was go on a recon mission. He scouted the line for girls. Partly because if we met some girls it would make our party of twelve dudes more likely to get inside this place and partly just to survey the action. What he found was quite interesting. The girls were average at best. Now, being married it didn’t bother me as much as it bothered my younger, single, cousins/friends, but I still like to enjoy the scenery. And to my surprise he was right. The girls were the ugliest collection I have seen at a club in my life. We may as well have been at some random place in South Dakota. So at this point we are debating whether going to this place is worth it when I realized we were in vegas and there is absolutely no reason to ever wait in line. I went on a recon mission of my own, but I was looking for the grease man. Aka the guy I need to pay off so that we can walk right in and not have to wait in line. It took me all of about 2 minutes to find a guy. For an additional $20 per guy we got to skip the entire line and walk right in. It didn’t even matter that we were twelve dudes. Because like I mentioned in the last post, Vegas is all about finding the guy on the take. So now we go into Jet and at first glance, it seemed pretty good. Two long bars lined the outer walls and the dance floor was a few steps down in the middle. (Picture a rectangle with the bars on the long walls, move five feet towards the center and down a few steps and there is the dance floor.)
The first problem I had was I ordered four shots, two jack and cokes, and two beers and it cost $80 plus tip. At MOST this should have cost me $58. That works out to $7 per shot, $9 for each Jack and Coke, and $6 per beer. I have absolutely no idea how what we ordered came out to $80 but I’m pretty sure Betty Boobs that took my drink order did the math wrong. Either that or I just plain out got jobbed. On to the fun stuff. After we get our drinks, we have to step away from the bar because at this point the place is starting to fill up and other people need to get to the bar so they can get ripped off too.
[enter jackass with flashlight]
This is the part where I start to get really annoyed. As we are standing there trying to enjoy our $80 drinks there is a sudden flash of light in my face. It felt like a police raid. And then I hear “keep moving you can’t stand there, keep moving.” Now I figure that since its my first time at the place that maybe there is some other area that we should be standing in. We continue walking around only to have a flashlight shined in our face at every turn. Just about every time we stopped moving there was a jackass with a flashlight telling us that we can’t stand there. Now we go back to the bar. We were standing two deep at the bar when yup you guessed it, more flashlights! There was absolutely nowhere to stand where there wasn’t somebody shoving a flaslight up your ass and telling you that you can’t stand there.
The one good thing about the place is that its not too loud. So you can actually hear your friends suggestions as to where you are going next because Jet sucks so bad.